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"If this can be done without either party made to feel awkward, and the episode is enjoyable, more conversations like this are likely to take place, and intimacy can grow between the two of you.""Fantasy" in this context doesn't have to read in any particular way; rather, discussing fantasy can lead to a conversation about life, love, money, career, the future — really, the possibilities are endless. "The conversation should go both ways, meaning you should mutually be discussing and fulfilling the other's wants and needs.""A great way to build intimacy is expressing gratitude for something thoughtful your partner did that day," Samantha Burns, relationship counselor and dating coach, tells Bustle.
But she doesn't mean a here-and-there hit of gratitude; she's talking every damn day.
Last night I was at Dokebi in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, with a gaggle of girls slapping raw meat on a Korean BBQ and jamming to throwback tunes from TLC and Missy Elliott.
Find out how your partner likes to be comforted when times are tough, and try to show up in that way when the sh*t hits the fan, clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle. "The truth is, we all know how to treat each other when things are going well," says Astarte.
"The one conversation a couple can have in order to build intimacy is to ask: How can I help you when you're suffering? "But when someone is depressed or frustrated or upset, oftentimes we try to fix the problem, rather than simply lend an ear." This goes really well for some — and terribly for others. Others just want to their partners to hold space for them in their down times," she says.
"Expressing how you felt as a child and things that hurt you when you were young gives your partner a real insight into what shaped you as a adult," he says.
Get the party started by breaking out old photos and taking a trip down memory lane with your partner, telling them stories as you go."That understanding of how you felt in good times and bad times as a kid really allows your partner to see your vulnerabilities," says Alex, aka the Guru of Getting It On.
Quite simply, intimacy that connectedness that arises when you feel truly bonded with your partner, and this can happen in the most practical of ways, New York–based relationship and etiquette expert and author April Masini tells Bustle.